Still Breething
by TurnThePaige
Summary: What if Bree hadn't died? If she had lived, how would the rest of her life been? This is how I imagined her life would go. Please R&R!
1. Surrender

**So, I read The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner. Then, suddenly, I liked Bree! I wanted her to live! So I am going to make her live. In my imagination. Via this story. So there. Take that, Stephenie! **

**Introducing... the not-so-short second life of Bree Tanner!**

* * *

"Will you surrender to us? If you do not try to harm us, we promise we will not harm you." Carlisle seemed sincere. I believed that he would not hurt me, so I agreed to surrender to the yellow-eyes. I had no desire for violence. I had no desire for anything anymore.

Diego was dead. He had been dead the past four days, and I'd foolishly denied the evidence before me supporting that. I had trusted Riley instead of my own instincts. _How stupid!_ I scolded myself.

I should have gone with Fred when I had the chance. Then I wouldn't have had to face all this painful truth. But of course, I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't known... if there was any chance Diego was still out there, waiting for me. Now that I knew, I felt that I couldn't live with myself anyway.

The closest person I had in this messed-up world was Fred. I longed to be with him. I needed some kind of a friend right now. And these strange yellow-eyed vampires hardly qualified. At least they didn't want to kill me... but that wasn't enough. I needed Fred.

Somewhere in the back of my brain, I registered that another yellow-eyed vampire had showed up and was not happy about my surrender. He wanted me gone. I wanted to be gone. So, in one movement, I was on my feet and running. I ran faster than I ever had before, pushing my muscles to exertion. I knew that no vampire as old as the ones I had just met could catch me at this speed. Still, for good measure, I kept it up for a solid hour and a half, just in case they had decided to try to follow me. Then I slowed to a normal vampire rate and thought about which direction I should be heading to get to Vancouver. I did a few calculations and adjusted my course.

* * *

I knew I was getting close when I started to feel nausiated, but I didn't slow down. I kept going strong, following the repulsion like a scent until I skidded to a stop in front of Fred.

The repulsion was gone, but I still felt sick in a different way. Fred didn't say anything. He saw in my face what had happened. I sank to the ground and just sat there in the middle of the street, hugging my knees to my chest, resting my chin on my neck. Fred's repulsive aura kept all cars and people away, so we were safe for now.

Fred just watched me for a long time, watched me wallow in self-pity. After a few hours or so, he came and sat next to me, but he still kept silent for a long time.

"I'm sorry," Fred said stiffly after a while. There was another long silence. "What do you want to do now?"

I looked at him. "I don't know. Any ideas?"

He shook his head, smiling slightly. "This is about as far as I thought ahead."

I nodded, trying to smile back at him. I think ended up doing some kind of grimace. "I guess we'll think of something."

* * *

We found, during our first hunt in Vancouver, that there was another vampire in the city. We could smell it. So we left and spent the next few days searching for another place to be. But we just couldn't find the perfect place.

One day, Fred asked me a strange and unexpected question. "How did you get away from the yellow-eyes?" he asked.

I looked up at Fred from a book I had stolen, remembering Carlisle. "One of them caught me, but I would not fight him. He said he wouldn't hurt me if I didn't hurt him or his clan. I agreed. Then I ran as soon and as fast as I could."

Fred looked confused. "That's strange. What kind of vampire shows mercy and tries to make peace?"

I shrugged. "Apparently, vampires with yellow eyes."

Fred thought about this for a long time. I went back to reading. "Do you think Riley lied about them too?" Fred asked suddenly.

"Well, obviously," I said.

"No, I mean, do you think, if we went to them... they wouldn't kill us? Would they listen to us? Maybe help us out?" Fred asked.

I pondered this. "Carlisle - the peacemaker - he seemed sincere. He was sorry for me. I know, if I'd stayed, he wouldn't have hurt me. Unless I hurt one of his clan, of course. He was very compassionate."

We both thought about the prospect of meeting these strange vampires. We were silent, thinking deeply for a long time. Then I said it, what I knew Fred was thinking.

"Maybe we could join them."

Fred nodded. "It's worth a shot. And we really don't have any better ideas."

So we ran. Ran to Washington. Ran to the yellow-eyed vampires. Ran to a possible future. Ran to possible death. We ran and ran... but we didn't make it to Forks before we ran into them.

Carlisle stood at the head of his clan. Wow, there really were seven of them! I had had my doubts about that, considering that Riley had lied about everything else. But here they were! How did they manage to live with each other?

"Hello, Carlisle," I said without emotion.

"It's good to see you again," Carlisle greeted me, sounding uneasy. "I see you've brought a friend."

It was then that I noticed the varying degrees of disgust on the faces of the vampires before us. One of them looked about ready to turn and run away. I looked up at Fred. "Hey, take it easy," I told him softly. He looked at me, trying to decide whether or not to drop his repulsive aura.

I saw the faces of Carlisle's clan relax a bit, but I suspected that Fred had left some layers of defense up. "This is Fred, and I'm Bree," I told them.

"This is my family, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Edward, Esme, and Alice," he said, gesturing to each one in turn.

The word "family" threw me off. What did that even mean? Well, I knew the meaning of the word, but it didn't make sense in any vampire's life. It carries connotations of love and warmth. In my experience, both of those things play small or nonexistant parts in a vampire's life. Of course, I am new to this whole vampire thing.

"It's nice to meet you," I said, mostly because I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Why have you returned?" Carlisle asked.

I was quiet. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't know how to phrase it without sounding weak...

"Carlisle," the one called Edward said, "they want to join us."

I was taken aback. My eyes immediately locked on this Edward. Was he the mind reader Riley had spoken of? I had assumed that was just another lie.

"Interesting," Carlisle said. "You both escape us, only to return, wishing to join us? Could you find nowhere else to go?"

"We tried to find somewhere else for the past week," I told him. "But we really didn't find a great place. Then Fred suggested this course of action."

"And what makes you think that we would take you in?" Carlisle asked.

I shifted positions uncomfortably and prepared to reveal my train of thought. "When you found me a week ago," I began, "you showed me mercy. You didn't have to; you could have just finished me off with no trouble. It would have eliminated your problem. But you didn't fight me, and I could tell you didn't particularly want to either. I got the impression you saw me as a young, misled child who needed help. And you wanted to provide that help. I guess I just hope that offer still stands."

There was a silence between us and Carlisle's clan. They were absorbing my words.

"There are some important things you should know," Carlisle said carefully, "before you seriously consider this."

"Such as?" I asked, emptying my voice of all emotion.

Carlisle stared at me. "I am about to entrust you with some important truths. I would appreciate it very much if you would show some trust for us as well."

At first I didn't know what he meant. Then I understood what he wanted. I looked up at Fred once again. "Tone it down some more. They're all right."

He looked back at me. "But how can you tell?" he asked. I could see that he was nervous, being so near these strange vampires.

"I just know it," I told him. He still looked doubtful, like this might be a trap after all. "Trust me," I added.

There was a lengthy silence before Carlisle said, "Thank you, Fred."

Fred nodded, not looking at me or at Carlisle. He was looking at something... but I couldn't quite follow his gaze.

When I looked back at Carlisle's clan, I could see that they were more comfortable, but not entirely so. Of course, the lowest Fred could diminish his repulsive power was the default aura that he had been reborn with.

"Do you know why our eyes are different from yours?" Carlisle began.

"I only know that Riley told us your eyes had yellowed with age," I said, "which, I assume, was yet another lie."

Carlisle smiled. "Although none of us are young, our age is not the cause of our eye color. The real cause is that we do not drink human blood; we live off of the blood of animals."

I was shocked into silence, my eyebrows rising in surprise. Carlisle offered no further explanation, so I asked, "Um. Well... How?" Wow. That was really eloquent.

Small grins broke out on the faces of Carlisle and some of his clan. They found it funny that my composure had slipped? I attempted to pull myself together and logically assess Carlisle's answer.

"With patience, determination, and plenty of practice," Carlisle replied, "we've nurtured our will to be better than nature meant for us to be."

"So, do you keep far away from humans, then?" I asked.

Carlisle was about to answer, but the one he had identified as Emmett snorted. "Oh, please! Carlisle works in a hospital every day, and Edward has a human fiance. We all interact with humans almost every day!" Most of Carlisle's clan glared at Emmett for his outburst. He ignored them.

I was completely shocked. How could any vampire be that strong-willed, to be so close to a fragile human and not kill them for their blood? Was it possible?

"Oh, it's possible," Edward assured me. I locked onto his eyes again, convinced that he did read minds. If that was possible... why couldn't it be possible for a vampire to resist human blood? As long as they got blood from another source, it seemed logical enough. But... Logic wasn't always the most important factor.

"Why?" I demanded. "Why go through the trouble? Why not do what every other vampire in the world does? Why defy nature?"

Carlisle considered this. "I think," he said, "that we each have a different motivation. Perhaps we are ashamed of what we are. Or maybe it gives us a sense of control over our lives that we did not have before. Perhaps it gives us something to work toward instead of just staying the same forever." Carlisle grinned. "Or maybe we're just rebels."

I blinked, still trying to wrap my head around this impossible concept. "Wow. Okay. Um... And we would have to do this as well? To become one of you?"

"That is how we live here," Carlisle said. "If you want to live with us, you must abide by our standards."

I nodded. "We need to discuss this."

"Of course," Carlisle agreed. "We will return tomorrow. If you are not here, we will understand. Good-bye, Bree, Fred."

"Good-bye," I said.

And they left.

* * *

"This is madness," Fred told me. "I can't believe you're trusting them so completely. I cannot understand why you would still want to stay with them."

I sat down in the stubby grass and didn't look at him. "I just know they will help me. Couldn't you tell?"

"No, I couldn't," he said. "How could _you_ tell?"

I just shrugged.

"Bree..." Fred began, "... why would you stay? Why not come with me, find somewhere we can be by ourselves? We don't need them. We can survive on our own. Why would you give that up for a chance to starve yourself?"

I shrugged again. "I guess I just... feel like I want something different. I don't know if this is that something, but... I want to try it."

"But to give up blood?" Fred asked. "That's crazy. It's completely unnecessary. There's nothing wrong with drinking human blood."

I looked into his eyes then. "How do you know?"

He was taken aback. "Because that's how we are. It's what we are. Why change it?"

"Sure, it's what we are," I agreed. "But, look where being what we are got us. It got us stuck with Riley, hiding out in a basement, scared of simple sunlight. It got us betrayed and it even got the others killed." Here her voice broke. "It got us addicted to human blood. It's controlling our lives. I don't know about you, but that's not what I want. I want something better than that."

Fred just stared at me for a long time. He didn't say anything.

"I'm sure it'll be hard to break the addiction," I added, "but I just have to do it. I _want_ to, for Diego. And I want you to want to because you are my one and only friend. But if you don't, I understand. You can go if that's what you really want."

Fred stayed silent. He sat on the ground next to Bree and deliberated for a matter of hours, which was okay because they had a whole day to kill. Eventually, he stood, looked down into her eyes, and said, "I'm going. But I won't be gone forever. I won't forget you, because you are my only friend too."

Bree nodded.

"Bye," Fred said.

Bree stood and hugged Fred without thinking. "Take care," she told him. Then she stepped back.

"You, too." With that, Fred sped off into the forest.

* * *

**More to come, I assure you, but it was getting long and I felt like this was a good place to stop. So. What are your thoughts? Please review! I absolutely love reviews, they are amazing! Please tell me what you think!**


	2. Unnatural

**So it's been, like, forever since I've been on fanfiction, and I've really missed it! The first thing I decided to get back to work on now that I'm (sort of) back is this story! I'd forgotten how much I liked it... And hopefully none of you hate me too much for the long wait.**

* * *

I count my breaths as I sit and wait between an old life, and a new one. I remember that counting breaths was the only way I survived the unspeakable pain of my first transition between lives; I need that same strength now, to get me through this new, duller pain. I wasn't joking when I told Fred he was my only friend, but it didn't really hit me until now. Now I sit, utterly alone, about to deliver myself into the hands of a strange group of vampires I know close to nothing about - and I have no allies.

I just want Fred to be here with me, to have his protective aura around me. I'd feel a lot safer, surer of myself if he were here.

But I've made my decision, and so has he.

I exhale breath 142. I vaguely wonder why I'm bothering to breathe at all.

* * *

I hear them coming as I inhale breath 906. I don't allow myself to exhale as I stand up from the damp grass and stand to face them. I _will_ look strong when they arrive.

They look exactly as they did yesterday but far less uneasy. Thankfully, no one asks me about Fred's absence; maybe the mind-reader Edward has already told them about his decision.

"Bree," Carlisle greets me warmly. "How good to see you still here." Then his dull yellow eyes cloud over and his voice changes with concern. "Are you certain you have made the right choice?"

I seriously consider his question. Have I made the right choice for me? Truthfully, I am unsure. But I know there is no going back now; Fred's trail has likely gone cold in the strong wind (which I had honestly not even registered, distracted as I was by my earlier musings) and I have no idea where he may have been headed. After losing him, and especially after losing Diego... I need to abandon my old life. I need something new. I need this - this "family", as Carlisle calls them. Somehow, I just know that they can help me. _They_ are what I need.

So I nod. "Yes," is all I say.

And then we are running.

They all run the same way: slow. But then, everything is slow for me. They know the speed with which they are all comfortable, and they naturally fall in line with each other. Some of them chat as they run, and the word "family" makes a bit more sense to me. Yet, I still find myself looking behind me nervously, watching my back. An old habit. I pay particular attention to the scarred one - he is the one who wanted me dead back when I first met Carlisle. I am sure of it: he does not want me here. But I know I am stronger than any of these ancients; I could take any of these aged vampires in a fight if I had to - at least, individually. As a team, they would be unstoppable. In fact, they _were_ unstoppable just a week or so ago. I experienced it myself. I begin to panic internally as I remember the unsightly carnage, the omnipresent smoke-

"Hi!" someone says, a little too cheerily in comparison with my interrupted grim thoughts. A small female vampire (Alice, I remember) now runs beside me - too close for my comfort. I adjust my course so that I am at a safe distance and give her a strange look.

"I'm Alice," she says courteously, ignoring my standoffishness. "I've been really excited to talk to you. Edward says you're extraordinarily smart, for your age, and Jasper's very impressed with your emotional maturity. A newborn like you is practically unheard of! And _I_ think-" here she pauses and looks at me pointedly, "-that you have a very bright future ahead of you." She winks.

I am very confused.

"Alice," Edward says. "Leave her be for awhile." I shoot him a grateful glance - I doubt I could have stood too much more of Alice's cryptic words and effervescent energy. A thought occurs to me: Alice is the direct opposite of me.

Edward smiles in my direction. "I was just thinking the same thing," he confesses. Then he adds, "Don't worry; she'll grow on you" in a voice low enough that only my newborn ears can pick it up.

That's when I smell it.

The logical part of my brain switches off.

I don't make it ten yards before I am tackled to the ground. I thrash against my assailant, my throat burning with an unquenchable fire. It is the scent, the gorgeous scent Riley tormented us with. It is here, it is close, and I need it. I need it NOW. Nothing will keep me from tasting this blood.

I throw all my brute strength and newborn speed into the fight, clawing and kicking and biting and screaming in frustration. But there are too many of them. I cannot break free. I need to break free. It burns, itburnsitburnsitBURNS!

* * *

"Gaaahh!" I protest again as I gag on the vile liquid. "This is disgusting!" Then I go down for another swallow of my first animal kill.

"I know right?" Emmett laughs from somewhere behind me.

It is truly revolting, but I physically need something - _anything_ - to satiate my thirst. I vaguely remember them throwing me onto the first beast; I drained it quickly, so desperate for relief that I could hardly tell a difference between the creature's blood and that of a person. But this one - the one I killed myself - is an entirely different story. It can hardly be considered a substitute at all.

I try to remember my last meal. I was so busy wallowing in my loneliness yesterday that I never hunted. The day prior was spent traveling with Fred, so I did not hunt then either. I can't remember my last taste of human blood. Now I long for one. Not just any one; I long for _her_, the owner of that delectable scent. The only reason her scent didn't affect me this way before was because I was so overly gorged on blood at the time I first smelled it. Even then, though, I remember the impression it left on me; I'm not likely to forget it.

When the animal is entirely devoid of blood, I moan and lie back on the grass, my throat still aching slightly. I am not truly satisfied. "Why would you _do_ this to yourselves?" I ask. "It's so disgusting, so _unnatural!_" I hyperextend my neck so that I can affix my eyes on the Cullens. I kick the carcass away from me and it flies into a nearby tree trunk with a sickening thud. Quickly I get to my feet.

"If that's how you feel, no one's stopping you from leaving," Edward nearly snarls. I fix my eyes on him. He was so civil before; what has changed?

Then several things click into place, so obvious that I wonder how I missed them before. Riley said the scent was from the Cullen's human "pet", that she was a treat for our taking, a reward for our victory. Yesterday, Emmett said something about Edward's... fiancee. Human. I must be honed into the scent of his mate; it is _her_ blood I so strongly desire.

Edward growls as he listens to my thoughts, so I know I'm right.

"Edward," a small but firm voice chastises. "Have some compassion; she's only a child." I recognize Esme in the group, the woman who stood between me and the scarred one (Jasper, I suddenly recall), preventing my execution and unwittingly facilitating my escape. My gaze lingers on her. Why is she so protective of me? Why does she care?

"Because she's a good person," Edward spits. "Better than me," he adds menacingly. He is itching to lunge at me, to end the threat I pose to his girl - his _human_ girl. That tiny detail starts to sink in, its connotations... I try to imagine kissing Diego if he had been human.

There's no way he would have survived it.

"Edward, please," Carlisle says, stepping in. "Go back to Bella if you're going to be like this."

Before he can consider this course of action, I ask him, "Don't you..." I press my lips together, searching for the words. "That is, can't you... Well, do you _have_ a sense of smell?"

At first, everyone seems shocked by my question; it is not what they were expecting me to say. Then Emmett and Alice bust up laughing, joined shortly by giggles from Rosalie and Esme. Before long, even Carlisle and Jasper lose their serious expressions. Edward keeps his cold eyes trained on me.

"Course he does!" Emmett says as his chuckles die out. "He's just plain crazy!"

I shake my head. It makes no sense to me. It is impossible, the strangest thing about this coven by far.

I consider leaving, as Edward so subtly suggested I do. Am I physically capable of becoming... vegan? Do I even want to? For what? What could this life possibly have to offer me? Discomfort, starvation, yellow eyes? I don't want those things. But as I look at Esme's warm and caring eyes, Emmett's wide and good-natured smile, Alice's happy disposition, Carlisle's deep inner peace... I see other things this coven - this family - could offer me. My old coven, so torn and divided and constantly bloodthirsty, could not compare in any way with what I see before me.

There must be _something_ to the way they live. Something... good. The evidence is right in front of me; it seems only logical to give it a shot.

I sigh. "I'd like another try," I say, "if that's all right."

"Well, of course it is," Esme says kindly. "We all know the difficulty of this change better than you do, dear."

"Let's take another route this time," Jasper suggests.

* * *

**Fear not, friends; Part 3 is already well underway! I just really like this story okay? Am I allowed to be my own fan? ;)  
**


	3. Compartmentalizing

**Whaddup, my friends? Ready for another installation in this story? What a coincidence; me too!**

* * *

I stare at my reflection in the wall of wide glass windows in the Cullen household. My eyes are no longer the bright red I am used to seeing, or the yellow I am sort of becoming accustomed to. They are a vibrant, deep shade of red-orange, a burning fire with a single black coal in the center. And only after a few animal kills! (I took down a few more deer on the way here.) The overcast sky prevents my skin from emitting anything more than a low shimmer, but the sight is still beautiful, enticing me to examine all of my skin's many facets. I think of all the safehouses Riley kept us cooped up in, day after day. We always boarded up the windows, cowered in the basements, never took the chance of letting light in. This house is just the opposite; it seems to be made more of glass than of anything else, and it fascinates me. These vampires are not scared or ashamed of what they are; they embrace it.

It's been many, many hours since the Cullens picked me up in the woods, although I'm not sure - and don't particularly care - what time it is, exactly. Upon discovering that I have very little to say about anything, they left me alone with my thoughts. I'm glad they are not hovering over me, but I am constantly aware of where they are in the large house. Edward left hours ago to meet up with his delicious fiancee, but Jasper hasn't strayed more than one room away from me this entire time. He has nothing to worry about, though; I am in control. Even though I can detect hints of the beautiful scent of the human (Bella, I guess?) within the house, they are faint, as if she has been here before, but not too recently. It helps that I have just consumed several creatures' worth of blood, of course, and I resist the urge to hunt her down by constantly filling my mind with other thoughts.

Like Diego. I sigh and turn away from the window, remembering how he looked at me with unabashed wonder the day we discovered the dazzling effect of sunlight on our skin. I recall the sound of his laughter as we spent the day playing ninja and decided we were best friends. I think of his thick, dark curls and his lips on mine. I remember how he wouldn't allow me to meet Riley with him, and I come to a realization: he _knew_. He knew, deep down, that he wouldn't survive the confrontation, and he couldn't bear the thought of my days ending with his. He wouldn't risk me. He _loved_ me, like I love him.

It is too much. I plop myself onto one of the couches in the room and cover my face with my hands. I sit there, alone with my misery, and just let my heart ache for him. My Diego. We hadn't had much time together, but that's what he was: mine. And I miss him terribly. Suddenly I wish I was capable of producing tears, of physically manifesting my anguish somehow.

As it is, I just let it hurt.

* * *

A while later (I don't know how long, but it feels like hours to me), I hear Edward come in. And then I smell him - or rather, I smell _her_ on him. I sink my fingernails into my thighs to keep myself from jumping on her fresh trail. I clench my jaw and stop breathing, trying to keep the burning at bay, but my eyes are wide open. Alert. Hunting.

Edward and Jasper already stand in the doorway, crouched in a defensive formation to stop me. I hear the others too: all close by. Waiting to see what I'll do. Expecting my self-control to fail again.

I don't blame them.

But I look at Edward and try to form coherent thoughts. _I won't_, I promise him. _I understand how important she is to you_. And I do. What he's willing to do for her - to protect her under any circumstances - that's what Diego did for me. At that thought, the pain comes back and overwhelms my thoughts again.

I decide in that moment that heartache is worse than thirst.

I slowly return to my previous position: head in hands, perfectly still, mourning quietly. It hurts so bad that I'm almost glad for the burning sensation in my throat (which is lessened, admittedly, by all the animal blood I consumed earlier). _All this grieving _is_ getting monotonous_, I think bitterly. _I guess I could use some new pain to distract me_.

On some level, I register their muttered comments: "Amazing... Unbelievable... Unlike anything I've ever seen"... things like that. But I'm busy wondering why so much of the pain from Diego's death is just hitting me now. Maybe it's the loss of Fred's strength and companionship. He had been a sympathetic party, at least, who understood my situation because he had lived it with me. Perhaps it's this strange new place, the complete removal of anything that could possibly remind me of him from my life. All that is left of him resides in the memories I hold in my head. Maybe I just have to reopen this wound in order for it to heal.

* * *

I look up. Edward sits across from me, at a safe distance. He looks at me ponderously, as if I am a puzzle he can't quite solve. Everyone else vacated the area long ago, but most of them are still moving around the house. I can hear them. So why has Edward stayed here? Watching me wallow in self-pity? I make a mental note to stop all this wallowing; I'm doing it far too often these days.

At that, Edward almost cracks a smile. "All right, how do you do it?" he asks me.

I cock an eyebrow at him. I have no idea what he's talking about.

"Your self-control," he explains. "Where does it come from? How are you possibly this good?"

My self-control? I have nearly hunted down his fiancee on at least three separate occasions at this point; I still long to drink her dry, as the burn in my throat reminds me. He must absolutely _hate_ me! What is he doing, asking me about my self-control? Shouldn't the mind-reader know, better than anyone else, that I don't _have_ any self-control?

"First of all, I definitely don't hate you," Edward explains. "Your thought process is far too fascinating to me, and Jasper has been very persistent in making sure I keep my emotions in check. And secondly, you most certainly do have self-control: an astounding amount, especially for someone of your age. You are baffling to all of us. Even Jasper, and he's dealt with more newborns than anyone. So," he says, lacing his long fingers beneath his chin and leaning forward intently, "how do you do it?"

I am confused. Jasper - emotions - newborns? How does it all fit?

"Ah yes," he says. "I suppose now is as good a time as any to load all of this on you..." Edward goes on to explain Jasper's special ability to influence the emotions of the people around him. (While he's at it, he describes Alice's power of vision as well. Riley wasn't lying about one thing: this coven _is_ talented.) He tells me very vaguely about Jasper's experience with newborns like myself. I immediately understand where he got all those scars; I know better than most the ruthlessness of living amongst a crowd of brand-new vampires. But now I can't help but picture Jasper as Riley. I mean, didn't they essentially have the same job? I bet Jasper was way better than Riley at it, too, given his special ability.

"No," Edward nearly barks, effectively breaking my train of thought before it is finished. Then he shakes his head and softens his voice a bit. "No, they're not the same. Jasper is better than that trash; he's changed."

I nod. But I know he is wrong about one thing, at least: Riley is far worse than "trash". He is a lying, conniving misfortune of a vampire, and he murdered the man I love. Hate and anger roll off of me in waves as I think of all his terrible deceptions, ultimately leading to the death of nearly everyone I had ever met in my short lifetime. I begin to shake with rage.

Edward's eyes flash. "I killed him," he admits without preamble. I look up, surprised. He nods. "In the attack. He and Victoria came after Bella and me. I took them both down. You don't have to waste another second of your thoughts on that awful excuse for a vampire." His eyes burn.

Gratitude fills me. I smile as I imagine Riley burning in pieces in the middle of the woods somewhere, and nearly laugh. "Thank you," I say aloud, the first time I've spoken in hours. "I hope it hurt."

Then I have a plethora of new questions for him. He answers all of them readily. I learn that the mysterious creator of my old coven is named Victoria, and I learn of her vindictive motivation for attacking the Cullens with a newborn army. I learn of her miserable failure on that front. I learn of werewolves, how they helped the Cullens defeat Victoria's army, and the treaty that exists between the Cullens and the Quileutes here in Forks. I learn about the Volturi (vampire police) and their rules. I file all of this new information away for future thought. Then I return the favor by telling him of the things Diego and I found out during our short reconnaissance mission, which he finds very interesting. I suspect he is filing it away, too. This whole exchange happens without me even opening my mouth. _Now, this is my kind of conversation_, I think. _One where I participate but don't actually have to talk._

Edward laughs. "That's not what most people think," he says, then adds, "And I would know."

What do they normally think, I wonder? Isn't it just easier, more convenient, to converse this way if you have the option?

"Not for most. Like I said, you're different. Most everyone finds it... annoying. Or inconvenient. At least strange. Some things, people just want to keep to themselves. But not you." He looks troubled. "You just accept it as fact and move on. That's what's so interesting about your brain; you're so very skilled at compartmentalizing. You use logic to get you through any confusing or uncertain situation, and anything extraneous, you choose to not think about. I mean, you just _don't_. That's not easy for most people."

I shrug. That's just how I deal with things. I don't understand what the significance is.

"It's significant," Edward explains, "because you can even put off your thirst. You can _choose_ to ignore it. I'm one hundred years old, and thirst still distracts me when it's really strong. I can choose not to act on it, of course, because I've had so much practice, but it still plagues my conscious thoughts. Look at you! You're three months old, and I come home carrying Bella's scent - _Bella's_ scent, mind you - and you simply acknowledge your instinct to hunt, and immediately let it go. You can even smell her now, and you hardly notice anymore. Your mental discipline is paralleled only by that of Carlisle, Bree."

I had forgotten to stall my breathing somewhere along the "conversation". He's right. I _can_ smell her, and I _am_ choosing not to think on it. I suppose this will come in handy as I learn to avoid drinking the blood of humans in this new lifestyle.

"Exactly!" Edward says excitedly. "You see why we're all so impressed? You will likely have absolutely no problem living the way we do, especially once your newborn senses fade. Each of us had an extremely difficult time adjusting, and the thought of you avoiding that stage... Well, it's an incredible opportunity for you, to say the least."

Huh. I file this away for future thought, along with the overabundance of new information I have received today. For now, I still have a pressing question, something that has been troubling me subconsciously ever since I put it together in the woods. I remember the Cullens collectively laughing at my inquiry about Edward's sense of smell, but I had been seriously confused at Emmett's response.

Edward smiles. "Is that really the strangest thing you've heard in the past few days?" he asks.

I think it's actually the strangest thing I've heard in my entire life. The strength of her scent on him when he returned today... Well, they had to have been _very_ close for him to have smelled so strongly. But he didn't seem upset, which meant she wasn't dead; he hadn't killed her.

Does not compute.

Chuckling at me, he shakes his head. Then he sighs, looking away from me. "Killing her is one thing I will never do," he says gravely.

But, even if you had the mental presence and physical ability to resist drinking human blood that close to you (of which I am still skeptical), why would you put yourself through the agony? What could he possibly gain from a... relationship... with a human? The only relationship I have ever seen a human have with a vampire is that of prey and predator, respectively.

But even as I question it, I know the answer. It's written all over his features: he loves her. It's that simple; he's made the decision already that he will never hurt her, and now it's easy for him, not miraculous in any way. For me, however, it is incredible.

I scoff. And he says _I_ have good self-control.

* * *

**Fun times! Haha. Oh, and I forgot to say this last chapter, but I'm sorry for the verb tense shift. I just decided I like present tense better, and also I think it kind of shows how fundamentally Bree's life has changed after making this choice. I don't know. I'm starting to sound like an English teacher, haha :) Anyway, review!  
**


	4. Proximity

**Part Fouuuuuur! So, I've heard some requests to bring Fred back, and never fear! I am surely planning on doing so. Don't know if it will happen in this chapter though; I guess we'll have to see ;)**

* * *

"Bella is just dying to meet you, you know."

I look at Alice, surprised. "Really?" I ask. "Why?"

The three Cullen women and I are returning home from an Alice-sanctioned "girls-only" hunting trip. She seems to have the notion that we need "bonding time" for some reason. I don't quite understand it since we all already spend a good deal of time together, but no one seems to find it worthwhile to argue with Alice when she has already made up her mind.

"She wants to know what it's like for you," Alice says simply.

At first, I don't understand what she means. Then I realize - "You don't mean..." my voice trails off.

"Oh yeah, it's all part of her plan," Alice explains as if it's the most normal thing in the world to plan the creation of a new vampire. "Step one: Marry Edward. Step two: join the legion of the undead."

I am familiar with the wedding plans; in fact, I have been lending a hand in the preparations whenever I can (that is, whenever Bella herself is not at the Cullen residence). It's only been a few weeks since I began this new life with the Cullens, but already I have determined that if I want to survive, I must do exactly what Alice asks of me. Especially when it comes to this wedding.

But I honestly had not considered what would happen after the ceremony. I guess it makes sense that Bella would be changed; even Edward's remarkable self-control surely could not hold up on his wedding night. Impossible.

I nod. "Naturally," I say sarcastically. Rosalie snorts (but somehow, she still seems graceful).

Alice shrugs. "She's curious what it's like for you. She wants some insight into what it will be like for her."

I imagine Bella asking me those questions. I would answer: _Well, honey, you see, it's going to absolutely suck. Pun intended._ And it does suck. I hate having to deny myself human blood and choke down vile animal blood in its stead. (Although it is getting better, easier. I have discovered that bigger animals are far more satisfying than those scrawny deer I had on my first day.) At the same time, though, I think it would be hard to give up my new friends (given that I have no others), so I am sticking it out. I like it here.

"Anyway," Alice continues, "you'll have to start acclimatizing yourself to close proximity to humans if you're going to be able to attend the wedding without murdering someone, which _would_ be preferable-"

"Whoa, whoa!" I protest, skidding to a halt. "Are you _serious_?" There is no way I could possibly sit still in a room full of humans, all deliciously filled with warmth and pulsing with blood. I would not survive it - no, scratch that - _they_ would not survive it. I crave it far too much; it would be overwhelming. I can't even be in the house when Bella comes over.

"What?" Alice asks, looking genuinely confused and a little hurt. "Of course I'm serious. You _do_ want to attend the wedding, don't you?"

I have come to consider Edward a very close friend as I've gotten to know him through our mental interactions, so of course I would love to be able to go to his wedding! But as a friend, wouldn't it be a bit inconsiderate of me to attend and consequently murder half of the guests? "Of course I would," I tell Alice, "but I honestly don't think I can."

"That's where the acclimatizing comes in," she explains, looking exasperated. "I'm not just going to toss you into a room full of people after weeks of being with just vampires. Although, to be fair, Bella's visited often enough over the past few weeks that it smells like she's there all the time. And you've been just fine!" she points out.

I shake my head. "Alice, I really don't think this is a good idea," I plead. I'm getting scared; I can feel myself start to panic. _What if I kill someone? What if I kill Bella? Will the Cullens kick me out? What would I do then?_ I only vaguely register how odd it is to be thinking these kinds of thoughts, to be reluctant to take a human life. It's so strange, what this lifestyle can do to a person - even in a short amount of time.

"Alice," Esme says gently, "we can't force Bree to do anything she doesn't want to do. Let it be her choice."

Alice turns to Esme, her lower lip pouting. Whining to her 'mom'. "But she'll be _fine_," she insists. "I've seen it; she's there, and she's just fine!" Alice turns back to me. "You're fine," she repeats, as if I haven't heard.

"Let me think about it," I request, not wanting to hurt Alice's feelings any more but also not wanting to make any impossible promises.

Alice still looks pouty, but she finally agrees, and we are running again.

* * *

"Hey Bree, come get gas with me!"

I look up at Emmett suspiciously. I haven't left the house since I first got here, except for hunting trips, of course. And for good reason, I think. Why put people in danger unnecessarily? But here he stands, jangling his keys noisily, looking expectant.

"Oh, come on, you can do it," he says, sounding uncharacteristically like Edward, as if he has read my mind. "It's not like there's a ton of people there anyway; there's a gas station right on the edge of town."

I shrug. It makes sense, but I'm still unsure. Being tempted by a scent must be far less difficult to withstand than an actual human heart, pumping away in your ears. How close could I get before I snap? I sit obstinately on the couch, not wanting to risk it.

Emmett rolls his eyes and walks over to gallantly offer me his assistance. He gestures grandly, bowing low and holding out his hand to escort me from the couch to the car. I eye him disbelievingly. "I don't want to go," I tell him simply.

He looks up sharply, eyes big and doughy. "Yes you do," he says, absolutely sure of himself. "You won't send me all by my lonesome, will you?" When I don't answer, he straightens up again. "Okay, seriously. I'll be there the _whole_ time to make sure you don't do anything terrible. Not that there's any danger of that anyway." He places his hand on his heart and dons a mockingly sincere expression. "You have my word that I will not hesitate to rip your arms off, if necessary, to keep you from doing something you'll regret."

I can't help but laugh at that. I know I could beat Emmett in a fight with my newborn strength, if I were crazed enough for blood. But the girls-exclusive hunting trip had just ended yesterday, and I am still reasonably full. Maybe it would be safe, just to try.

I hear Alice's voice, telling me I'll be fine. I remember what she said about going to the wedding, about acclimatizing myself to the presence of people. This could be my first step towards that goal. Maybe... maybe I _can_ go to the wedding, after all.

But I have to start now. "Okay," I concede, standing up. "Let's go."

Emmett smiles widely and offers me his arm, valiance restored. I laugh and ignore him, walking ahead of him to the garage. There, I mimic his chivalry by holding the door open for him. "Thank you, milady," he says, tipping his invisible hat.

We carry on as if we are in a Victorian society as he drives into town. One thing I love most about Emmett is that he can always take my mind off of my nerves, or my worries, or any kind of trouble that may be weighing on my mind. In many ways, his humor and inherent goodness are just as effective as Jasper's emotion-control trick in helping me keep my head. He is a good friend to have, especially since he is willing to do most of the talking in any situation, which I appreciate. I still don't particularly care for long-winded conversations.

Emmett pulls up to a vacant gas pump. Two other pumps are occupied by cars - cars with people in them. I hear no less than five separate heartbeats around us, and two more inside the adjacent convenience store. I can pinpoint each heart's location from where I sit. It would take literally less than a second to get to any one of them. I suddenly feel nervous, torturing myself with "what if"s.

"When I open the door, you'll smell 'em better," he warns me, "so you may not want to breathe. You ready?" His eyes nearly twinkle with anticipation, and my anxiety begins to melt away. _He really doesn't think anything will go wrong_, I realize. _He believes in me._

"Ready," I tell him.

He punches me in the arm. "You're gonna do great, kid," he says encouragingly just before he opens the door.

I do smell them, even without breathing. They smell good, clean, fresh. Human. My throat burns dimly with the natural reflex to hunt, but I close my eyes and will it away, like I do whenever I smell Bella at home. _I don't need it_, I tell myself. And I know it's true. I allow myself some shallow breaths, even though Emmett left the door slightly ajar. I let myself acknowledge that the humans are around me, soft and warm and tempting, while I simultaneously fight the urge to take their blood.

I smile. It's not as hard as I thought it might be, as long as I focus.

Emmett pokes his head back in the car. "Rose asked me to pick something up for her," he says. "I'm gonna see if they have it here. You cool to sit here for a minute?"

I nod and watch as he walks toward the convenience store. He moves slowly, very slowly. I wonder why, and then remember that he's playing human. I grin at the silliness of it.

Knock, knock.

I give a start and stiffly turn my head towards the window on my side of the car. A human boy, perhaps seventeen, stands at my window, smiling at me. I had heard the footsteps coming toward the car, but I figured they were headed to the convenience store...

The boy indicates that he wants me to roll down my window. I take a deep breath and try to wipe any apprehension from my face. _I can do this_. Then, slowly, remembering Emmett's human-speed movements, I roll the window down.

The boy is tall and lean, with messy light brown curls adorning his kind face. He is still smiling - not scared, I note, like most humans I have "interacted" with in the past. Green eyes, bright and good-natured, seem strange to me after weeks of only yellow eyes to look upon.

I don't want to hurt him.

But all I can hear is his heart, pounding steady in my ears. I see veins in his arms, his neck, pulsing with warm, sweet blood. He is so close, so voluntarily close to me, and it would take no effort, no effort at all, for me to drain him dry. I could even do it inconspicuously; no one would have to know. It would be so, so easy...

"Hey, sorry to bother you, but I could really use a jump." He jabs a thumb over his shoulder towards his car, parked at one of the other pumps. "Guess my battery was even closer to dying than my gas tank." He laughs and gives me an easy smile.

_You don't need it you don't need it you don't need it you don't need it_. I try to smile at him. It's almost funny, how human he is, and how human I'm not. And yet, we both rely car batteries. "I'm sure that won't be a problem," I tell him, "but it's not really my car to offer, you know?"

He nods, eying the Jeep. "Yeah, I know," he says. "This is that Cullen boy's car, right? The big one, I mean?"

I grin and nod, oddly enjoying this conversation even though my throat aches for his blood with every word. It's almost refreshing. "Emmett," I supply.

"That's right, that's right," he says, nodding. "I think we used to have, like, Spanish together or something a few years back." His grin never seems to end. "So, who are you? I've never seen you around here before."

In a small town like this, there will be rumors. Credible backstories are important. But Carlisle has never really told me 'who I am' to the humans. "Um, I'm Bree," I begin. Now for the lies... what's my story? "I'm a cousin of the Cullen family. Down for the wedding, you know."

"Ah," he remarks. So he's heard about it. Small town rumors can also work to one's advantage, it would seem. "That would make sense. Coming up soon, isn't it? That must be so exciting for you guys."

I nod. "Absolutely."

"Yeah, totally exciting," Emmett says, seeming to appear from nowhere. A weight leaves my shoulders. There's no way I can hurt this boy if he's here. But he _was_ right; I don't feel like I am going to hurt the kid, anyway. "What's up - Miles, right?"

"Um, yeah," Miles says, seeming baffled by Emmett's sudden appearance. "Hey, man." He offers his hand, and Emmett shakes it. "I'm actually having a little car trouble, if you'd be willing to help me out."

"Sure, of course," Emmett offers.

So, we help him jump his car. It's up and running in no time; Miles thanks us heartily and heads back into town, still with that good-natured smile on his face. And all that time, I hardly give any thought to taking his blood. It becomes easier even as it becomes more uncomfortable, and it is an extremely rewarding feeling to watch him drive away, unharmed. I am immensely pleased with myself as we climb back in Emmett's car.

"Did you get what you needed?" I ask him. "For Rose?"

"Huh? Oh, no, they didn't have it here," Emmett explains. He shrugs. "It's okay. I'll go into town another day and pick it up."

I nod, then change my mind, still a little high on my own self-satisfaction. "You know," I begin, "we could go now, if you want to. I don't mind. In fact, I would very much enjoy a trip to a bookstore - does Forks even have a bookstore?"

Emmett grins at me. "Oh, don't you worry, darlin'. I will find you some books!" With that, he peels out of the gas station, and we head into town, laughing.

And I have never felt so good, so light, so... free.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I certainly appreciate it. Hopefully, you're enjoying the story! Let me know :)  
**


	5. Monster

**Another installation! I think it's high time we brought Bella into the mix, here. Let's see how it goes! :D**

* * *

I am nervous. I have agreed to be in the house when Bella arrives today for her dress fitting (I'm confident in Alice's estimated measurements, but she is quite paranoid that it won't fit on the big day). I've decided that I really, really do want to be able to attend the wedding. I have spent many long hours helping Alice prepare for the event, and it is going to be truly spectacular; of that, I have no doubt. I figure that, if the Cullens will have no problem being in the same room with all those humans, then it is at least physically possible; it _can_ be done. The question is, can it be done by me? I think that it is high time for me to start pushing the limits of my self-control anyway, and the gas station incident has boosted my confidence (as I suspect Alice designed it would). In fact, everyone seems confident in my self-control, but I am still pretty apprehensive. I mean, this is _Bella_.

I've thought about this thoroughly: I will stay upstairs the entire time, as far away from her as possible. I have requested to have Jasper and Emmett there with me, to pin me down if necessary. I went hunting just last night, fully satiating any thirst I had felt. I am well prepared.

But I still feel anxious. I can feel Jasper trying to help me, to calm me down; it does help, but not enough. Edward told me earlier (although he was originally reluctant to let me try this experiment - I suspect that Alice has persuaded him in some way) that I have nothing to worry about because he will be protecting Bella the whole time, and he would take me down before I could even think about taking a step toward her. He had laughed then, as if he knew it wouldn't be necessary. But I knew he wasn't joking, and he didn't really think it was funny. Self-control or no, I am a threat to her, and he could hardly stand it.

"Chill out, Bree," Emmett says casually as he lounges on a largely unnecessary chair - one of the few in the house. His hands are locked behind his head, his posture relaxed. Clearly, he is not nearly as worried as I am. "It's not like she's going to bite you or anything!" He chuckles at his own joke.

"Ha, ha," I say bitterly. But his lightheartedness is almost as helpful as Jasper's calming aura. They know more about this kind of thing than I do; if they are not worried, why should I be? It seems logical enough, and I relax a bit.

I pick up a book and begin reading to pass the time until she arrives. Carlisle has the most interesting collection of books I have ever seen, and I am nearly a third of the way through the works in his study. I am currently reading "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley. It's ironic, I know - a monster reading about a monster - but Shelley writes very intelligently, and I find it fascinating. I read up to the point where the creature kills Dr. Frankenstein's nephew as revenge for his abandonment. The nephew is so helpless and fragile and human; the creature, so strong and frightening and ... superhuman. Inhuman. I shiver and put the book down, hoping it isn't a bad omen.

Then I hear the car pulling up, and my anxiety returns full-throttle. I sit on the floor, crossing my legs and gripping my ankles where they cross in front of me. _I will not move from this spot_, I tell myself. _I will not_. And I believe it.

The door opens, and I hear Edward come in with Bella. Her voice and footfalls are distinctly human as she greets Carlisle and Esme. But at first, the scent is not overwhelming; it is perhaps just a little stronger than it usually is in the house.

In less than a minute, however, her scent fills my nostrils and I _want_ her. It is everywhere, everywhere! Human scents must travel much faster than those of vampires.

I notice that I am standing. I do not remember standing.

I can hear the loud, wet sound of her heart, pushing her sweet blood continually through her thinly-walled veins, hidden only by fragile skin. The consistent rhythm of it throbs in my ears. I clench my jaw and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to focus on anything else. _You cannot have her_, I tell myself. _You do not need her blood. You are not thirsty_.

It is true enough; I feel no physical need for blood - only desire, rich and aching. But they might as well be the same thing at this point. It would be _so easy_...

I try to focus on a voice - Alice's. Her high, tinkling voice. What is she saying? "...going to be so beautiful. I don't mean to brag, but Bree and I have created a masterpiece. I just hope it fits!" She sounds so excited. This is the tricky part, I realize; Bella will be coming upstairs now to try on the dress (far away from the room I am in, of course, but still).

Alice continues to gab away as they ascend the stairs, and I hear Bella's heart getting closer to me. But I push the thought away, and focus again on their words. "I want to meet her!" Bella's undeniably human voice stands out to me. "I can thank all of you any old time I want, but I never get to thank Bree! I don't even know her, and she's helping with my _wedding_!" She makes the word sound sour somehow - isn't she excited for the ceremony? "I want her to know me before I allow her to do me any service; is that so unreasonable?"

I hear Edward sigh. He's very close. I open my eyes. He is standing before me with Jasper and Emmett. I guess it makes sense that he would be here; after all, he can't be there to see the dress, but he will still want to continue protecting Bella to the best of his ability. "She's so stubborn," he says softly. Bella won't hear it, but it's clear to all of us with superior hearing. I find it within me somewhere to smile at him.

"Bella, we've been over this," I hear Esme say patiently. They've stopped moving; they must be at the actual dress-testing stage now. _Almost over_, I tell myself. _You're doing well_. "Bree isn't ready to meet you. She isn't completely comfortable around humans yet."

"And," Alice says pointedly, "we all know your real reason for wanting to talk to her. You don't have to make up excuses; it's completely understandable to be curious."

I can practically hear the blush washing over her cheeks. "That's _not_ the only reason," she insists, but it sounds weak.

"Well, then thank her if you must," Rose suddenly says, exasperated. "She can hear you, you know."

There is a silence. Edward, Jasper, and Emmett look very surprised. Everyone is holding their breath (except Bella; she is still deafeningly human). Then Edward begins to look angry as Bella works through this clue. It is almost as if I can hear _his_ thoughts: _What is Rosalie thinking?_ I am wondering the same.

"She's here?" Bella asks excitedly. "Where?" I hear a rustling that can only be her dress as she starts to search for me. Edward is gone as quickly as he came in.

"Do NOT come in here, Edward," Alice calls. Then she addresses her living mannequin again. "Bella, we're serious. You can't see her, and before you futilely go and try, at least let me get you out of this perfect, gorgeous dress. Okay?"

Bella must comply with this request, because I hear more rustling of the fancy fabric. I suddenly wish I could see her in it - Alice wasn't exaggerating when she called it a masterpiece.

Then I have a thought: _I could see her_. I feel like I am in control. I haven't even thought about my burning throat for a long while. Of course, it is aching, but I think the long weeks of conditioning my senses to her scent have had a numbing effect on my hunting instinct.

I am not Frankenstein's creature. I could do it. I _could_.

I walk at a slow, human pace toward Jasper and Emmett so that they will not tackle me. They look at me, confused, as I near them. Jasper grabs my arm before I can get past him; he's not about to let me by. I look up at him to show him my clear eyes. _I have my wits about me_, I try to show him. "I won't hurt her," I promise. "I don't even want to." And it's true; I don't. I am in control of my mind and my body entirely. All of my previous worry is gone. I have no doubt that I can do this.

All of a sudden, Edward stands in front of me, eyes narrowed as he peers down at me. _Why is everyone so much taller than I am?_ I wonder vaguely.

Edward's eyes stop glaring at me and blink a few times. I meet his stare and try to convince him of what I know. "Are you sure?" he murmurs, not letting Bella hear. I make no response. He knows everything I've been thinking. I don't need to explain myself- not to him.

Slowly he nods. "Fine," he says a little louder, so that the vampires in the fitting room can hear. Jasper releases my arm as Edward steps out of my way.

"Don't take the dress off yet!" I call to them, hurrying to follow the admittedly delicious scent. "I want to see it!"

I open the door slowly, not wanting to startle Bella. Or myself, for that matter. The scent is definitely stronger here - much stronger. I stand still for a moment to collect my thoughts, to ignore it, but it isn't working.

Blood. BLOOD.

No. Don't need it.

Oh, but it smells so _good_. Just a taste?

No, no. Definitely not.

Her heart, so loud - her skin, so soft, pliable, warm. I need it.

No, I don't.

Gah, my throat is on FIRE.

I can taste my own venom.

I could really go for some blood right now...

NO. This is Bella. Edward's girl.

With that thought, I am able to force myself to leave. I bolt out of the room, and down the stairs. I clutch fistfuls of my own hair. Maybe I can't do this. Maybe it's too fast. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

But I need to see this dress. I don't know why, but it just feels like I need it. If I can do it, I'll be one of them. _Edward, help me do this_, I plead with him. _What do I need? What do you do that I don't?_

"Hey," Edward says, suddenly at my side. "It's okay if you can't do it. We don't expect you to be able to. We never did."

"We're putting the dress back on," Alice announces. "Whenever you're ready, Bree. Remember: you'll be fine."

That gets me thinking, makes me sane again. I'll be fine? Alice's visions are amazing, rarely failing to be absolutely accurate, from what I hear. If she believes in me, maybe I can do it. Everyone believed in me, not even thirty seconds ago.

Edward says I can compartmentalize my thoughts. Jasper says I can check my emotions. Alice says I have a bright future.

I think it's about time I proved them right.

So I march back up the stairs and flit to the door I left open, focusing on not breathing. The scent is strong, but my will is stronger. I slide into the room and close the door behind me, despite my better judgment.

Bella is beautiful, for a human. Especially in the stunning wedding dress which I have helped Alice perfect for the past few weeks, her appearance has every bit of the appeal that her blood does. _How does Edward _do_ this?_ I wonder as the discomfort sets in.

"Don't look at her!" Alice nearly yells, jumping right in front of me. "Not all at once. Edward's not allowed to see her in it, and he's so nosy..." I hear chuckling from outside. "Just focus on parts of it, okay?"

I can't help smiling at Alice. Surely Edward has already seen the dress in our minds as we have worked on it and thought and talked about it, just as we have all aspects of the wedding. But I humor her. "Got it."

"Um, hi," I hear Bella say. I look at her again, across the room, but this time I focus on her eyes. Warm brown irises. I think I used to have similar ones- but I can't remember, nor do I want to. She looks at me curiously, seeming to have equal interest in _my_ eyes- which are, of course, a strange bright orange that she has probably never seen before.

"Hello," I say tightly, keeping pressed against the wall. I don't want to take any chances, not with her. She's important to the Cullens, and I want to find out why. My mouth twitches as I attempt to smile (and fail, I assume). "You're going to be the most lovely bride."

"Well, maybe I'll look halfway decent," she concedes, "thanks to you guys." Her smile is so genuine, and yet so sarcastic at the same time. I try not to consider the warmth under her skin, the blood so sweet I can almost taste it... "But seriously - thank you very much for helping Alice out so much. You're kind to help arrange a stranger's wedding!"

"Well, it's not like I have anything else to do," I admit. I've begun to shake slightly with the effort of keeping myself away from her. I focus on my own words, and it helps. "It gives me something to work towards, something worthwhile, you know. Something other than-" I gulp back a pool of venom and press my fingers into my temples. I groan. "Urrgggh, why do you smell so _good_?" I clench my jaw and shake my head, trying to clear it.

There is a very still moment before Bella quietly says, "I'm sorry."

I look up slowly, suspiciously. Her eyes are wide and sad, compassionate and sincere. I can't help myself; I bust up laughing. I cannot contain it, and for a moment, I am so consumed in laughter that I forget entirely about the burning in my throat. "You... you're sorry!" I giggle some more at the absurdity of the thought. "I'm over here, basically on the verge of murdering you, and _you're_ sorry?"

I hear other chuckles join mine as the tension in the house diffuses immensely. It feels good, natural, to be laughing with the Cullens: with my new family. I have never been so certain that I made the right choice as I do in this moment.

* * *

**Awwwwwww. Dear goodness, I'm turning into a sap! ;) Review for me, if you please! :)**


	6. Sisters

**Hello, friends! I hope you're doing well! Here's another chapter. Enjoy your stay! :)**

* * *

"Bree! Oh, I'm so glad I found you." Alice sounds relieved, but wastes no time, speaking quickly and precisely. "I have to go take care of a situation with the bridal bouquet. Will you take care of Bella for me? I was just finishing up doing her hair... But I'll be back soon. Just keep her company and make sure she doesn't _do_ anything. Do you accept this mission?"

Alice is all business today. As if I could decline! I snap to attention and give her a salute that probably looks ridiculous, given the fancy dress I'm wearing. But hey, anything to ease her wedding-day nerves! "Aye, cap'n," I promise. "You can count on me!"

Alice gives only the briefest of smiles before flitting off to handle whatever problem has arisen for her to deal with. I head towards the makeshift bridal chamber and knock lightly on the door. "Bella?" I call.

The gorgeously tempting scent of her blood assaults me the second I open the door, but I bury any desire for its taste deep beneath my desire to see her walk down the aisle and have the wedding she deserves, the one we've all been working so hard on. There is no way I will let myself ruin this wedding!

But... what do I do about a crying bride?

Bella is wiping her eyes and sniffling, turning her face away from mine so that I won't see. "Bree," she says, and her voice sounds flat. "Hey. I'm sorry; I thought I had a little more time until Alice got back..."

"What's wrong?" It seems like the right thing to say, but it only seems to make things worse. Bella's lip quivers and a soft whimper escapes from inside her chest. I see fresh tears welling up, threatening to spill on her perfectly made-up face. _Oh no_, I think. _Alice will kill me_.

"Here," I procure some tissue and hand it to her. She dabs at her eyes and nose, careful not to leave streaks on her face. I'm not sure how to help her; I haven't cried in so long that I've forgotten what it feels like.

"What do you need?" I ask, wanting to hug her or even just pat her arm - but I'm not sure I could stand being that close to her. I wring my hands and stand at an awkward distance.

Bella shakes her head and takes a deep, steadying breath. "I'm fine, really," she says, but her shaky voice tells a different story. "It's just-" she sighs a shuddering sigh. "I don't know what I did to deserve all of this." She shakes her head and lets out a short, bitter laugh. "I don't deserve friends like you. Any of you. And I certainly don't deserve Edward. What am I _doing_ here?" Her eyes plead with Bree, begging her for the answer.

And I wish I could give her one. I _have_ to give her one, I realize. There's no telling when Alice or Esme or Renee (who I met just recently) will be back; I'm all she's got right now. But I'm basically an acquaintance to Bella; how can I possibly comfort her, today of all days? I take a metaphorical deep breath and collect my thoughts. "Bella," I begin, "I haven't known you very long, but I can tell you this: the Cullens absolutely love you. I mean, like, a _lot_. I don't mean to make you feel self-conscious or anything, but you smell unfathomably appetizing. And yet, they still keep you around, allow you in their house, despite the discomfort. Sure, they're all old, and they've got impeccable self-control, but I know they still feel the instinct. Obviously, it's the worst for me, and yet here I am, talking to you! And it's not only for Edward's sake, or Alice's sake, or even my own sake; it's for yours. Because you _are_ worth it. You may not think you deserve us, and you're right." I offer a small smile. "You deserve better."

I hope it was the right thing to say. But I quickly realize that maybe it wasn't; Bella's tears are coming faster now than ever, and she's not bothering to wipe them away anymore. "I'm sorry-" I begin, but I am cut off as she rises and reaches for an embrace. I instinctively back myself into a corner and struggle for control of my impulses. _No, no, no_, I scold myself.

"Oh, no," Bella says, voice still shaky from crying. "I'm so sorry - I should have thought - of course you're uncomfortable; I'm so, so sorry..."

I laugh softly in spite of myself. "Uncomfortable..." I shake my head. "See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. In the moments when you're in the most danger, you worry only about me. Never a thought to yourself, to your own safety. Not to mention that, in your moment of need, I can't even comfort you properly." I let an unused exhale escape my dormant lungs.

"It's okay! I understand," Bella immediately begins to reassure me, as if I am the one who has been upset. "You don't have to be in here; you can go. Gosh, Bree, I'm so sorry-"

"No," I insist. I square my shoulders and approach her at a very human speed, arms outstretched. I can do this; I can do this for her, if nothing else. I try to smile at her, but it may have been a grimace; I am unsure. "Come here."

Cautiously, watching me to make sure I don't change my mind, Bella closes the distance and wraps her arms around me. The scent is overpowering, scintillating. I hear the constant thrum of her heart, so close to my own dead one. I can see the blood rushing through the fine veins beneath her fair skin, singing to me. _Don't think about it_, I command myself. I clench my jaw and return the hug with as little awkwardness as I can manage.

"Thank you," she whispers. "Thank you for saying all those kind things. I'm so lucky to have a sister like you."

Sisters? Is that what we are - or rather, what we will be later today? It seems so, so strange to be part of something like this: a family. Even as a human, I know I hardly had this kind of a connection with anyone. Now I have seven - eight - close relatives, bound together by something stronger than blood (actually, a lack thereof, I note ironically).

I delicately extricate myself from Bella's impressively fragile arms and sigh inwardly with relief. I didn't kill her. She didn't die. She's going to get married!

And she looks like a mess.

"All right, let's fix you up," I say, sitting her back down.

Bella chances a look in the mirror, grimaces, and groans. "Alice is going to kill me for ruining all her hard work."

"Not on my watch," I proclaim, grabbing a washcloth and tenderly rubbing away any trace of the ruined mascara. I begin reapplying the layers of cosmetics, mirroring the ones Alice had used earlier; I'd gotten a good enough look at Bella's face before the teary fiasco to be able to replicate the process. I work quickly, knowing that Alice promised to be back soon.

"Viola!" I announce. "Good as new! Well, it doesn't quite have the Alice touch, but it'll pass inspection, I'm sure. So long as she doesn't look too closely..."

"It's perfect," Bella assures me. "Thanks again."

I nod. "No problem." But it _is_ becoming a problem. The longer I stand this close to Bella, the harder it is to keep my hunting instincts at bay. I try to exude subliminal messages in Alice's direction, wherever she is. _Come quickly_, I plead. I glance longingly at the door.

"You can go," Bella offers. "I don't need a babysitter, and you don't need temptation."

"I can't," I moan, backing away from Bella. I press my palms together with excessive force, giving myself something to focus on. "I promised Alice I wouldn't let you do anything..."

Just then, my salvation arrives in a frazzled daze. _Speak of the devil_, I think. At first I am too relieved to notice that there is anything wrong with her, until Bella stands up. "Alice! What's the matter? Did you see something?"

Alice snaps out of her daze long enough to issue commands: "Bella, sit back down! You didn't do anything, did you? Good," she says distractedly. "Bree, can I talk to you for a minute?" Hesitantly I follow Alice out of the room, looking back at Bella for some indication as to what might be wrong with her. Bella shrugs and gives me a small smile and parting wave.

Alice leads me through the house. We pass Renee on the way; she must be the next person in line for the Bella shift. I vaguely wonder why the mother of the bride hasn't been in there the whole time. Something must have come up.

I can hear the dull roar of guests gathering downstairs. I get nervous just thinking about entering that room. Will I be able to control myself? We have been gradually increasing my exposure to humans these last couple weeks so that I can be more prepared for the scents and sounds of an entire room full of them. But I've never been in a crowd quite that large, or quite that closed-in. It makes me feel sick with anxiety.

But we don't head down the stairs. Alice leads me into her bedroom, where we find Jasper, looking troubled. "What's the matter?" I ask. They share a look. "What's wrong?" I insist.

"Bree, Alice has seen something we don't quite understand," Jasper begins to explain. "We hope that you can help us."

_Me?_ I wonder. _What can I know about that these old, seasoned vampires do not?_ For a moment, I expect them to answer my thoughts as Edward would have. Then I remember, and ask, "Well, what is it?"

Alice bites her lip. "It's Fred. He's coming here. Today."

* * *

**Whaaaaaat? Dun dun dun! What did I tell you? He's coming back, finally! ;) Stay tuned for more!**


	7. Impressive

**Sorry for the long wait! Here's another little snippet of the wedding day :)**

* * *

I am dumbfounded. I stand stock-still and try to make sense of Alice's words, but I just don't understand. It can't be true; Fred left me, of his own free will. Why would he return, and why now?

"Bree? Did you hear me?" Alice demands. "Fred is on his way here. Here! Where we're about to hold the wedding of the century! A rogue vampire!" Alice is horrified at this thought, beginning to panic in spite of Jasper's attempt to cool her down. "Bree, you can't let him get this far. You have to meet him and stop him before he gets too close!" There is a lengthy, stressed pause before she blurts, "Well?!"

I snap out of my reverie. "Um," I begin tactfully. "Of course I'll go... meet him... Uh, do you know what he wants?"

"No," Alice admits. "I couldn't hold on to the vision long enough; it was far too repulsive." She makes a face.

I feel the corners of my mouth twitch upward. "Yeah, he has that effect on people."

"We noticed," Jasper pipes up. They both look like they've swallowed something bitter - no doubt recalling their first experience meeting Fred - and I can't help but chuckle. "Doesn't it bother you, too?" he asks me curiously.

"I'm not immune to it, if that's what you mean," I explain. "I feel the repulsion, just like everyone else. At Riley's place" - I can't help but spit his name with old contempt - "I used to force myself to endure it, to get as close as possible to him so that no one would mess with me. It was really for my own self-preservation, and man, did it suck. Over time, though, he began to gain a better control over his 'ability'. He started to let me in, almost like there was a bubble of normalcy directly around him. I didn't have to 'endure' sitting by him anymore. We became friends, sort of - or, as close to friends as you can get in a place like that." I look down at my feet.

Suddenly I miss Fred very badly. Of course, I love my new friends in a way I didn't know was possible as a vampire - but Fred is different than they are. He is more like me. The Cullens are so very skilled at interpersonal communication of any kind, where I am certainly not, and Fred is even worse than I am (for obvious reasons). I remember the days we spent playing cards on the floor of the safehouse, watching our fellow coven members tear each other to shreds for a war effort that was not their own. Neither of us really seemed to require communication then: just companionship. It is a unique partnership we had, and one that I am unlikely to be able to replicate in the future.

I wonder if it is too late to save it.

"When should I leave?" I ask Alice boldly. I am eager to meet my old (?) friend. Then it hits me - what if I miss the wedding? Part of me is relieved at the thought of escaping that room of people, but the larger part of me would be devastated to miss such a significant event in my family.

She is confused by my sudden earnestness, but answers, "He won't be here until later; he has a long way to travel. But he'll definitely be here before the reception ends." Alice shakes her head worriedly. "The reception... Oh, no..."

"Don't give it a second thought, Alice," I try to reassure her. "I'll handle it. There's no way I'll let him affect this wedding." I offer a small smile. "Now, as for myself, I can't make any promises."

Alice looks like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders as she rushes to hug me fiercely. "Thank you! I knew you'd come through." She backs up to briefly hold me at arms length. "And you'll be _fine_, I've told you!" she bops me on the nose, chastising me for my lack of faith in myself. Then, before I know it, she has flitted off to put on a wedding.

Jasper looks after her with a loving look that makes me ache for Diego. I haven't felt sad about his death in some time, but it hits me suddenly, with full force. Jasper, of course, feels my sudden shift in mood and snaps his attentive stare to me. "What's wrong?" he asks.

I shake my head, not to say that nothing is wrong (because it would be stupid to try to hide that from someone like him) but to indicate that I don't want to talk about it.

But he presses me. "You don't want to meet Fred again? I'll go in your place if you prefer. We just thought it would be easier for him if he met a familiar face. But I can certainly deal with the newborn myself." One glance at his scarred skin was proof of that.

I shake my head again. "It's not that," I assure him. "I'm actually really excited to see Fred." Which is the truth. But Jasper is still not convinced. I sigh. "I'm just missing someone, okay?" I say softly, looking away. I begin to walk out the door.

"You feel very deeply, you know," Jasper says, making me stop in the doorway. "It's sort of impressive."

I'm not quite sure what to say to that. "Um, thank you?" I turn around.

"No, no, what I _mean_ is..." he trails off, scouring for words. "You're very emotively overpowering, no matter what the emotion may be. It's so strong that sometimes, I almost think that _I'm_ the one feeling your emotions before I realize that I'm only sensing yours. And yet, you maintain your composure very impressively. Every time you get angry, I'm instantly on guard; I know what someone of your age with that kind of attitude is capable of. But by the time I'm ready to stop you from acting on your instincts, you've already 'fixed it' somewhere inside you. I know what Edward says - that you can control your instincts through logic and compartmentalization - but emotions as strong as yours are rarely logical. Especially for someone of your age, who should be constantly overpowered by rage and bloodlust." He shakes his head. "It just doesn't make sense. And it's not fair, either. The switch from human blood to animal should be a process that takes you years - maybe decades - to achieve! But somehow, you've completely mastered it in just a couple of months!"

"Now, I wouldn't say that," I correct him, perhaps a bit harshly. "There's nothing _easy_ about the way you live. Absolutely nothing."

"Believe me, I know." For a second, I see Jasper in my position, weaning himself off the blood of humans in favor of animal blood. Telling himself it will be worth it in the end, trying to escape the ghosts of his past, motivating himself with thoughts of Alice. Being persistent, patient. Making mistakes. Trying harder and becoming better. He _did_ have the roughest time transitioning, of all the Cullens; at least, as I understand it.

I realize something. "It comes down to strength of will, doesn't it?"

His eyes snap up to mine. He holds my gaze for a very long time, studying me. He seems to want to bore straight into my brain and discover its function. "Yes, I think it does," he murmurs distractedly. His eyes narrow as another long, awkward staring contest ensues. Finally, he shakes his head, exasperated. "I don't understand it! You've been alive for what? Five, six months? I've got nearly a hundred fifty years under my belt! How can you possibly act as if you are older than I am? Can it really be something as simple as pure will?" Another head shake. "Somehow, I can't believe that."

I consider this. "If it weren't for will, this entire life you've built wouldn't exist at all. Carlisle's will to resist murder at all costs, Edward's will to protect Bella... Your entire world is run on pure will. Why is it so difficult to believe in it now?"

Jasper shakes his head. "Because you must have some truly iron will. I mean, nearly Carlisle-caliber will." I give a start. Carlisle? I'm nowhere near as strong as Carlisle; he's basically perfect.

Jasper appraises me. "That wasn't an exaggeration. Did you not realize how remarkable you are?"

Why does everyone seem to keep saying that? I shake my head and turn away. "No," I say firmly. "No, I'm nothing. I'm just me." And I leave to check on Alice before he can disagree.

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**Eh. Don't really have anything else to say. Review? :)  
**


	8. Missed

**I am so sorry about my writing hiatus! Had a little case of writer's block, I guess... But here's the wedding reception, and I actually already have the next chapter underway! So, enjoy!**

* * *

I am suffocating.

But it's not so bad!

The wedding ceremony is absolutely beautiful, everything I thought it would be and more. Alice is incredibly talented, to have thrown this wedding together in just two months. There is not a hair out of place; everything is perfect. Especially Bella! Apparently, Alice was able to salvage the makeup situation and make Bella somehow the most beautiful person I have ever seen (and considering the group of immortal beauties I tend to keep company with, that is saying something). She is nothing short of an angel.

As I watch her procession, I remember her offering me a place as a bridesmaid at the front of the room. She recognized that I had worked hard on this wedding, and she said she wanted all of her soon-to-be sisters up there with her. But I had declined, in favor of a position directly next to the door, so that I could leave quickly if I needed to. Although the Cullens, by this point, seem to trust me implicitly, I still cannot quite trust myself, especially in a room full of people.

_I shouldn't have thought about that_. All of a sudden, I am assailed by the scent of them, the overpowering number of bodies around me. The way they look, and sound, and _smell_... I am reminded of the night before the big battle a few months ago, when Riley allowed us to feast on a ferry full of people: people with sweet, delicious blood, not tainted with alcohol or drugs. It could be the same now. I could gorge myself; I could _feast_...

But as I take one look at my good friends before me - Edward and Bella, how lovingly they look into each others' eyes, as if there is no ceremony; only them - how can I let my weakness ruin this moment? The answer is simple: I can't. And I won't.

And, miraculously, I don't. However, I _am_ the first person out the door when the ceremony is over. I breathe a sigh of relief; it worked! I am thoroughly pleased with myself, and march confidently to the reception area.

Out in the open, the scents are not so overpowering, but I still don't want to stay too long. I am glad that I have a secret mission to meet Fred later on; it is a good excuse to leave. But I still find myself being forced to socialize: Charlie and Renee each come up and talk to me, along with some of Bella's foul-smelling Quilleute friends. I only met them once before, when I first arrived. When Sam and his pack first learned that the Cullens had taken me in, given my age, he was extremely (reasonably) concerned that I would not be able to abide by the "treaty" they have. He made it very clear that if I messed up, even once, there would be no more treaty. I thought that was quite unfair, especially after the pack had fought side by side with the Cullens. Would they truly turn against their allies so quickly, because of my newborn ignorance? It only made me hate them more than I seemed to do naturally.

One of the the werewolves deliberately bumps into me. "Not quite yellow yet, eh, kid?" he asks snidely.

I clench my fists and my jaw, standing rigidly with the physical effort of not attacking this disgusting creature. I try not to breathe in the wet dog smell, but it has an uncanny way of clinging to the nasal passages mercilessly. It makes me want to tear these werewolves to five thousand pieces.

"You got something to say?" he taunts. "Leech?" He towers over me with his freakish wolf height; it doesn't help that I've always been small.

But he doesn't scare me.

I put on my most cold, murderous expression and quite literally growl a curt, "Yes." Then I step closer, wrinkling my nose at the intensifying awful werewolf stench. "Just for the record," I say quietly, lowering my voice to a homicidal whisper, "you may _think_ you can take me down because I'm young, but you _can't_. Look around; I've been around these humans all day and done nothing wrong. I've got newborn strength, _and_ my instincts are in check. It's quite a deadly combination, but I haven't quite had the opportunity to try it out yet. So just remember..." I lean in to make him more uncomfortable. "... I hunt _animals_ now, and I'm curious what _dog_ tastes like." I slowly produce a twisted smile and back away at a sloth's pace, holding his eyes. The young werewolf's face does not show any sign of fear, but it does not need to; I can hear it plainly in the quickening of his heart rate and see it in the blush of his cheeks, the slight trembling in his jaw.

I cannot wait for his entire pack to get my message.

I turn on my heel and walk away, only to be stopped by Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett is laughing uncontrollably, and Rosalie looks very impressed.

"Holy crap, Bree!" Emmett yells. "That was freakin amazing! We heard the whole thing!" He holds up his hand for a high five and I, feeling a sort of adrenaline rush from letting some of my inner frustration out on that werewolf boy, don't hold back when I return it. "Ow!" Emmett cries, wringing out his hand. "Watch it!"

"Sorry," I say, even though I'm not really. I smile broadly, pleased with myself until Carlisle approaches me.

"Bree," he says, "that was quite unlike you."

I shrug. I know it was; I usually keep most, if not all, of my thoughts to myself - including threats. "I guess those arrogant mutts bring out the worst in me," I speculate.

Carlisle doesn't seem convinced. "Just tell me you weren't serious," he insists.

"Of course not." I am surprised he would think that I might be. "I would never jeopardize your treaty. I just hate them for the way they threatened you, after you've been such close allies. It's beyond disloyal. It's _vile_." I become increasingly angry as I think about it.

"They are only protecting their territory," Carlisle explains. "They have that right."

"Well, they don't have to be so blatantly rude about it," I grumble.

"Give her a break, Carlisle," Rosalie pipes up. "At least she didn't pick a fight with him; at her age, that's all you can really ask for."

I raise an eyebrow at her. It's a backhanded compliment, but I'll take it. I can't help but think that showing my feisty side has bumped me up a few notches in her eyes.

* * *

Before I set out for the woods, I make sure to greet the happy couple. They look so perfect together, so beautiful, so in love. I am truly happy for them, and I tell them so, wishing them the best.

Then I head out in the direction Alice had previously indicated. The second I clear the reception area, I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. _I did it!_ _I really did it_! I successfully attended a social event without murdering anybody! I giggle aloud with giddiness.

I am running in a dress and heels, but in all honesty, it doesn't really make a difference when you are a vampire. I should reach Fred in plenty of time, according to Alice's vision. I enjoy the feeling of sprinting without reservation, without holding back for the older Cullens. The rush is incredible; it is one of the best feelings in the world.

Suddenly, I hear a noise far ahead of me and six degrees to my right. It is getting closer. I stop running and listen hard, but there is no longer anything to hear; the sound has stopped. Whatever the source is, it is far enough away that I cannot see it (which is pretty dang far) but luckily, my hearing is excellent.

Unable to discern anything about the source of the mysterious noise, I open my mouth to say Fred's name, on the chance that it's him. But before I get the chance, I am literally knocked down by the sheer force of a wave of nausea. Choking on my own gag reflex, I am hit by a surprise attack and pinned down to the ground, where the nausea intensifies due to my attacker's proximity. I try to say his name, tell him it's me, but just before he tears my head off, he recognizes me.

"Bree?" The nausea dissipates almost as quickly as it came. Flustered, Fred quickly stands and offers me a hand getting up. I don't need it, but I take it anyway.

Wordlessly, I pull him into a fierce hug. Something feels strange about it, but I can't tell what and I can't bring myself to care. _I've missed you_, my arms tell him, and his reply, _Same here_. I realize just how much I _have_ missed him these past couple months. It feels so natural just to be near him, to have such silent agreements and conversations. We've never needed many words to understand each other, and I've liked it that way. Of course, I've had plenty of silent conversations with Edward since I joined the Cullen coven, but now, it kind of feels like cheating to rely on mind-reading. Fred doesn't need a superpower to know exactly what I'm thinking.

Gently, he pushes me away. His dull red - nearly black - eyes survey mine, taking note of their bright orange hue, of my success with the Cullen lifestyle; he knows that I am not running from them. This confuses him visibly, so I answer his unasked question.

"I came to meet you here," I explain. "Alice - one of the Cullens - she can see the future, and she had a brief vision of you coming our way. They sent me to find out what was bringing you here."

There is a long silence. Fred blinks at me, staring for a long while. "She sees the future?" he asks disbelievingly.

I laugh. "Yes, and with reasonable accuracy, too," I tell him. "But she couldn't tell why you were coming here."

He looks away. "Yeah, about that..." He sighs. "It's a long story."

I sit down and pat the patch of grass in front of me. "I've got time."

* * *

**FRED. I love Fred. :D :D :D Also Bree is seriously the coolest ever. That is all. Anyway, next chapter is coming soon! (PS: Prepare to feel very sorry for poor Fred)**


	9. Reunited

**Sorry, everyone! I've been vacationing and such... But I'm back now!**

**[Before you read, just to be clear: I am originally from New York, and I do not necessarily agree with stereotypes about New Yorkers. Fred's upcoming comment about them is purely from his own observations.]**

**Anyway, enjoy! ;)**

* * *

Very stiffly, Fred takes a seat across from me in the grass. If I did not know better, I would say he is in pain. "What's wrong?" I ask, concerned. "Are you... hurt?" So very little can harm a vampire, it seems ludicrous to even ask.

He bites his lip and shifts so that his knees are just a centimeter from touching mine. "We'll get to that," he promises. He scrubs his face with his hands. He sighs shallowly, closes his eyes, and begins telling his story. "These past couple of months have been... interesting. I've seen some incredible places - London, Beijing, Cairo - looking for a permanent residence. But I also met some dangerous people. And of course, by people, I mean vampires."

I instantly think of the Volturi, the ones Diego and I had discovered and the Cullens had further warned me about. I hope sincerely that he has not had the misfortune of encountering them; no doubt they would be covetous of his powerful gift. They would try to convince him to stay with them.

"Long story short, there was a specific group who took an immediate disliking to me. I mean, more than usual," he amends. "I've quickly learned that every city has its coven, and they typically don't take kindly to strangers, especially strangers that make them feel sick to their stomachs." He shrugs. "Go figure." I laugh.

"Anyway, so I was in New York (as you may imagine, the vampires there are already a disagreeable sort, like most New Yorkers) and I ran into an angry group of them. They were already looking for a fight - who knows why?" He looks upward, clenching his jaw and giving a short, shallow sigh: trying to bite back a painful memory. "They... attacked me. I fought back, of course: I tried to nauseate them, to push them back. I even tried to make them forget I existed. Nothing was working - it usually works, but they were impossibly relentless-"

He cuts off suddenly, sits in silence for a moment. "I'll just show you," he decides.

He reaches for his collar and begins unbuttoning his loose-fitting shirt. "Fred...?" I say, apprehensive. What is he doing?

Refusing to meet my eyes, he shrugs the shirt away, and I gasp.

His torso is a jigsaw puzzle. It looks as if the whole middle section of his body was ripped out unceremoniously, torn in chunks, and haphazardly stuck back together again. Slowly I realize that that is _exactly_ what happened to it. I think I can even see parts of his internal organs breaching the surface in some places. I cover my mouth with one hand as I reach out to gently feel the gory scars and sickening indentations with the other. "Oh, Fred..." My heart aches at the pain he must feel. All I want is to help him. But what can I do?

"I tried to fix it myself," Fred confesses. "I thought I could just put it back together the way it was, but I think I just made it worse." He still will not look at me as he shudders, probably from pain, or memory of pain. "I can't breathe; my lungs are all shredded. Luckily, that's not important. What _is_ important is that I can't drink. My throat no longer leads to my stomach, and I can't keep any blood down. And it's certainly not from lack of trying," he adds, squeezing his eyes shut. "It burns so badly, and there's nothing I can do about it. I've killed so many, trying to satisfy it... all for nothing. I just cough it all back up. But I can't _stop_ myself..." Frustrated, he beats his fist into the ground, creating a small crater in the earth.

"Hey," I say, reaching out to catch his chin in my hand. I swivel his head to meet my gaze. Just a sliver of dull red rings each of his dark irises, shining with an anger that does not fully conceal the tortured soul lying beneath them. "You're going to be okay. I'll take you back to Carlisle; I'm certain he can fix you right up. All right?"

Slowly his eyes soften, and he surprises me by letting his chin drop enough that he can kiss the palm of my hand. I am so shocked I reflexively pull my hand back into my lap. Fred just smiles at me. "It's so good," he tells me, "_so_ good to have a friend again. I thought I was a natural loner because of my 'ability', but I was wrong. It hurt to be away from you. This..." He leans closer to me and rests his forehead against mine. I am too stunned to react in any way, and I become a statue of tension. "..._this_ is natural."

We sit that way for a long time, neither of us really knowing what is going on, only that we're finally reunited. Thick as thieves, once again - perhaps more so? It seems that distance does make the heart grow fonder.

I keep glancing at his mutilated torso, my chest contracting in sympathetic pains. "Come on." I finally break the silence. "Let's get you some help."

* * *

We run together, falling into step automatically. He needs serious help, and fast - but I deliberately take a route that swings far, far away from any sort of civilization. Anyone as hungry as he is - it would be dangerous to take him that way, to say the least. I inwardly pray that we encounter no hikers or hunters along the way. Or any werewolves, for that matter. They probably wouldn't let me into Forks with a crazed vampire in tow - not without a fight.

We make it to the Cullen residence, taking the most roundabout route I can think of. Luckily, we encounter no one during our travels. But before we get to the house, I come up short, hissing Fred's name. He halts and pins me with questioning eyes.

"We just had a wedding reception here," I tell him. "Lots of humans. It probably still smells like them - even in this strong wind. Let me go check if it's safe."

He nods his assent, and I flit toward the house. It seems the smell has mostly dissipated, but not entirely. Maybe we'll have to do something about Fred's condition outside, in the woods. I turn to go inside and get Carlisle.

But then the wind shifts.

I barely have time to react before I see Fred zip past me: toward town. Following the scents of our party guests. Immediately I take off after him, running faster than fast, faster than I thought I could have gone. Only vaguely do I register slamming doors and yelling voices behind me.

Luckily, I am a few months younger than Fred, which makes me just that much stronger and faster. I also know the terrain better than he does, and it certainly doesn't hurt that he is starving while I am well-fed. I can catch him.

I have to catch him.

As soon as I am close enough, I launch myself at him, tackling him to the ground and wrestling him into a tight Full Nelson. He thrashes around uselessly, trying to get me to let up, beating the ground and roaring in outrage. He manages to grip a good chunk of my hair and yank out a part of my skull. I hiss in pain and drive his face into the dirt, trying to block the scents he's caught with other odors.

He starts throwing off wave after wave of nausea, but my grip stays firm. "Carlisle!" I call out. "Emmett! Jasper! _Somebody_!"

"We're trying, Bree!" comes the response. Alice, I think.

"How can you _stand_ being in the middle of that?!" Emmett yells, not trying to be difficult, but honestly not comprehending the possibility of getting anywhere close to the source of all the repulsion. To be honest, I'm not sure of the answer myself. My stomach is turning over, my throat trying to retch, but I know I can't let him go. It's not an option.

In the end, it's Carlisle who makes it through Fred's barricade of nausea. He kneels bravely before the writhing, roaring, thrashing man and looks into his eyes. He looks up at me, stunned and concerned. "How long has he gone without feeding?"

I grunt, pinning Fred closer to the ground and tightening my grip on him. "Don't know exactly," I say curtly. "He can't drink anything. Needs your help." My eyes plead for his mercy.

Carlisle looks thoroughly confused for a moment, but seems to understand the eminent danger, at least. He nods.

"Here!" Someone shouts (Jasper?), off to the side. A dead animal carcass thuds to the ground off to my left. I feel Fred freeze beneath me, smelling fresh blood. He is so far gone, he doesn't even know it's not human. I release him and let him go after it.

"That won't help!" I protest as I watch him fall on the creature, fending off my own instincts to fight for the fresh blood. He forgets to throw up more repulsion barriers as he begins drinking desperately from the thing. Soon, however, he lifts his head and the dark substance gushes from his mouth. He goes down for another mouthful, and this time comes up coughing and sputtering. He is trying to force it down, but it simply has nowhere to go. He roars in frustration, diving back down for another futile drink. He can't seem to stop himself.

I look briefly at the faces of my family, confused and mildly horrified. Rather than explain, I just lean down and rip the back of Fred's shirt open; he doesn't even notice, but the Cullens' faces turn grave at the sight of his ghastly torso. "He needs help, and quick. Please, Carlisle," I beg, "tell me you can fix him."

Carlisle looks uncertain. "I will do what I can," he promises.

A wave of relief washes over me. "Thank you," I say. "Um. What do you need?"

"Just get him upstairs," he orders. "We had the windows open, to air out the human scents - in case you brought Fred back with you. It should be all right up there, since most of the guests were downstairs or outside the whole time. Get him through a window, and restrain him as best you can. I'll be ready when you get there." Carlisle gives me a tight but reassuring smile and takes off.

* * *

**Next chapter on the way shortly! Hope everyone is enjoying it... :)**


	10. Starvation

**[exsanguinate (v.) - to completely drain of blood]**

**Because this one of my favorite words, and it may just come in handy for you to know someday... someday very soon ;)**

* * *

I let out a stale breath I had been holding ever since I first saw the extent of Fred's injuries. _He's going to get help. He's going to be okay. I just have to get him upstairs._

I move in front of Fred, who has nearly finished exsanguinating the creature before him at this point. He sits in a puddle of useless animal blood, his shirt darkly stained and drooping off of his body. Unused blood drips off his chin, trailing down his front. He tightly grips handfuls of his own hair, matting the blond strands with blood. It is a gory sight straight out of a monster movie, but the truly frightening part is his eyes. His irises are completely black now, with no trace of the dull red I'd seen before. There is none of Fred's quiet kindness in them, only base animal instinct: hunt, eat, survive. He fixes me with a disconcerting stare, and I wonder if I will even be able to reason with him.

"Bree," Jasper warns before I can get a word out. "You need to be careful. He's wounded, confused, unstable. _Dangerous_," he adds with quiet vehemence. "He is _not_ the Fred you know."

I give him a look that says, _You think I don't know that?_ and gesture towards my absent chunk of cranium. He gives an exasperated sigh and says, "Please, just let me -"

"Sorry," Fred interrupts. All eyes snap to him. He is still looking at me, his eyes dark and unnerving. But he seems to have control, for the moment. "I didn't mean... to..." he gestures vaguely at my head.

"Oh, this?" I ask. "It's nothing. You know I've had worse." I smile at him. "Besides, you fight like a girl."

He lets out a surprised laugh. "I'll take that as a compliment."

There is a short pause before Jasper cuts in. "Fred, we have to get you upstairs. Do you understand?"

He twitches. "Go to the house, jump in a window."

Jasper nods curtly. "Do you think you can do it?"

Fred does not respond. His black eyes dart every which way, unfocused. He is losing his momentary control, becoming a predator again.

"Just don't take in any air through your nose," Jasper recommends. He steps forward slowly and offers his hand benignly to help Fred stand up. Fred eyes Jasper suspiciously, hesitating. He looks at me, raises an eyebrow. I nod. _You can trust him_. Slowly, Fred takes the offered hand.

_Crack_! Lightning quick, Jasper rips Fred's arm from his body and tosses it to Alice. Before I can react, Emmett is on Fred's other side. He wrenches off the remaining arm and throws it my way as Fred roars in pain and outrage. I catch the arm on instinct, shocked into inaction but yelling my protests loudly. "Hey!" I scream. "What are you doing?!" Emmett wastes no time throwing a writhing, defenseless Fred over his shoulder and booking it towards the house.

Blind white rage courses through me. How _dare_ they attack my best friend? I throw the disembodied arm to Rosalie without warning, grab Jasper by the collar and throw him to the ground. "What do you think you're doing?!" I demand. I've caught him by surprise, and as he tries to regroup and crouch into a fighting position, I deliver a powerful kick to his gut, sending him flying backward against a tree, which splinters and cracks in half. I advance on him again, my face a mask of deadly anger, but I find my way barred by Alice and Rosalie, crouched defensively before him.

"Back off, Bree," Alice growls, somehow managing to look threatening, even with her small stature.

I crack my knuckles loudly in response and roll my shoulders. "Bring it, sister," I say coldly.

"Rose, Alice, get upstairs and bring Carlisle the arms," Jasper commands. "I'll deal with this... _child._" He spits the last word, leaving a plethora of unpleasant implications in the air.

Alice blinks a few times, slowly easing out of her crouch. I raise an eyebrow; I had not expected her to give up so readily. "They'll be fine, Rose," she says softly. "Let's go." They gather up the arms and take off.

Leaving just me and Jasper. He begins moving slowly, tracing a large invisible circle on the ground. I counter his movements, poised and ready to fight at any moment. I want to lunge at him, but logic holds me back. _Watch him. Be ready_. "I'll make you pay for this," I promise him. "Fred's my best friend."

"Oh, really now?" Jasper asks sardonically. "Is he? The one who abandoned you in the hands of some unknown, radical, potentially dangerous coven - alone, to defend yourself? The one you haven't seen in months? The one who only returned to you when he was the most desperate, when he literally had nowhere else to turn. _He_ is your _best friend_? Then tell me, Bree, what are _we_?"

My heart is a fist in my chest, solid and tense. How dare he say these things to me? He betrayed me! He attacked Fred! Anger bubbles up in my throat, but I swallow it down as best I can. "I _thought_ you were my friends," I growl. "Clearly, I was wrong."

He shakes his head, still circling like a bird of prey. I continue to match his every step. "You know, you're just like _them_," he spits. "All those newborns I once taught. I thought you were different, that you had some kind of intrinsic leg up on them all, that somehow little old Bree Tanner might be strong enough to not _need_ special guidance through the process of vampirism. You're logical, smart, talented," sarcasm drips off his words, a stinging poison in my mind. "Let's all tell you how wonderful you are; then you'll be a perfect little vampire." He scoffs. "What you really need is a wakeup call, a reality check. This isn't all rainbows and butterflies, honey. People get hurt, and you have to deal with it as best you can."

Somehow I miss it - his first move. I was distracted; he distracted me, I realize. I had thought I was focused, but I wasn't. Now my legs have been swept out from under me. I hit the dirt hard, a sharp pain seeping out from the center of my back to my entire body. I try to fight back, but Jasper grabs my ankles and swings me through the air until I land square on my face, in the dirt. I push upward, and he kicks me back down with enough force to make a me-sized imprint in the ground. I grunt and struggle under his weight as he presses one foot into the base of my neck and one knee into my lower back. I claw at his legs as best I can under the pressure, but the rest of my body is useless to me. _How was this so easy for him_? I wonder dimly. _I'm newer, stronger than he is_!

"Had enough?" Jasper asks, amusement coloring his tone. I haven't. I grip his ankle and try to yank him off of me, summoning all the force I possess, but he is braced for it; he barely budges at all. Suddenly, his hands are on my forearms, pressing them painfully up by my ears. Bent in that way, they feel as if they may pop off at any moment. I scream into the ground. "You know I'm not above tearing these off for the time being," Jasper says, his voice a quiet threat, "but it will be more pleasant for both of us if you just stop fighting."

I weigh my options. Clearly, Jasper has the upper hand on the violence front. I do not stand a chance against him and all his experience fighting angry newborns like myself. I can't fight him, and I _would_ prefer to keep my arms attached to my body. After all, I will need them to protect Fred.

_Fred_. At the thought of him, I relax in surrender, loosening my vice grip on Jasper's ankle. He releases me slowly and I sit up on my own power, spitting out clods of dirt mixed with venom.

"Now," Jasper begins, a cold expression (more tired than angry) fixed upon his features, "you are going to sit here and listen to me. If you so much as stand up before I tell you to, so help me, I will make Fred's injuries look like paper cuts. Do you understand?"

I nod, speechless. I have never seen this side of Jasper: this calculating, ruthless military man I have only heard about in the past. He has always been vigilant around me, but never has he acted like this.

"Fred is starving," Jasper explains. "The starvation process, for a human, weakens and emaciates and eventually leads to death if not taken care of. For a vampire, it's different. Starvation maddens us, makes us desperate, changes us on a fundamental level. But it won't kill us. The logical faculties of the brain switch to basic survival mode, telling us to hunt, and hunt more. Fred is at a very critical stage where he is more creature than person, and there is no helping him. He will not see reason, not until his thirst is quenched. I could see the transformation happening, right in front of me; I have seen it before. You saw it too, didn't you? How he was getting twitchy and losing focus?" I look down at the ground. Of course I saw.

"He needs help fast, Bree," Jasper continues, "or he will go on a rampage. Especially since he can't take in any blood, he simply will not be able to physically stop himself. A slaughter of that magnitude in this area would draw the Volturi straight to us. All that death, and _we_ will be implicated. Fred is not Fred right now; he is danger. Do you understand that?"

I hadn't even considered that the Volturi might get involved; after all, it's only Fred. But then again, maybe it isn't...

"The logical thing for me to do in a situation like this," Jasper goes on, "would be to incapacitate him until Carlisle can fix him up, and we can get him fed. We did not attack your friend; we had to neutralize a threat in order to protect the family. And," he adds, "to protect Fred from himself."

There is a pause. "Bree?" he asks. "Bree, look at me." Slowly, I meet his gaze. His eyes are kind again; he is no longer a dictator. He is not Riley anymore; he is Jasper. I can trust Jasper... right?

He sighs and sinks down into a half-squat so that his eyes are on my level. "Listen, I didn't mean anything I said earlier: about you not being special. I was angry; in fact, I think I was feeling _your_ anger, at least in part. You really are the most incredible newborn I have ever encountered. The potency of your emotions alone..." he shakes his head. "It's truly astounding. So please, if there is any of that practical, logical vampire still in there, find her. Ask her if what I'm saying makes sense. Because Fred needs you right now, and we're wasting our time out here."

Slowly, I come to terms with what he's saying. Fred... Fred is in the house, undergoing tedious, painful surgery in a room full of strangers! And where am I? I am out here, throwing a temper tantrum! What is _wrong_ with me? I need to get inside that house, now. "Um," I say, "so, can I stand up now please?"

Jasper gives a short laugh. "Of course."

I am already in the house before he finishes speaking.

* * *

**And there we have it! Thoughts?  
**


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